How I Work
What is NARM®?
The NeuroAffective Relational Model® (NARM®), developed by Dr. Laurence Heller, is an advanced approach to healing complex trauma and developmental relational wounds. It combines present-moment inquiry with somatic (body-mind) awareness to help you recognize survival patterns that formed in childhood and reconnect with a fuller, freer sense of who you actually are.
Unlike traditional therapies that focus heavily on the past, NARM® keeps healing rooted in the present. Rather than asking you to keep retelling stories from your childhood, I am more focused on how old adaptations are still organizing your life right now, in your body, your relationships, and your sense of self. The aim is to free up energy you’re still using to manage what happened in the past so that you can more fully inhabit your life now.
What does this look like in a session? We start by exploring what you are most wanting for yourself. This may be something like more self-acceptance rather than self-criticism, more capacity to feel connected with others rather than feeling isolated and afraid of rejection, or more capacity to recognize your own needs rather than always pleasing others. With this intention in mind, we then use an example from your life to look at what happens inside of you in your thoughts, beliefs, or reactions that keeps you stuck in the old pattern. Often what emerges are the old ways you learned to manage yourself as a child that are still showing up today.
Through taking time to recognize and honor these old adaptive strategies we often discover that emotions or sensations arise in the body that have never had a chance to be fully processed. Unprocessed emotions or experiences in the nervous system cut us off from the parts of ourselves we’re usually yearning to reconnect to, our confidence, self-worth, allowance of our own humanity, and our authentic connection to ourselves.
In practice, this looks like:
- Starting from what’s happening in you right now, not a chronological history
- Naming survival strategies as intelligent adaptations, not character flaws
- Tracking your body and emotions, not just the content of what you say
- Building capacity gradually, at a pace your nervous system can hold
- Turning toward disowned parts with curiosity rather than judgment
- Learning new ways of relating to emotions that support emotional integration rather than overwhelm
- Accessing greater internal wisdom rather than looking for answers externally
The five developmental themes
NARM® organizes its inquiry around five fundamental needs that shape how we connect with ourselves and with others. When these needs weren’t adequately met in childhood, the adaptations we built around them tend to turn into old survival strategies that we carry into adulthood.
Connection
A sense of belonging, and feeling in touch with your own emotions and body.
Feeling like you don’t belong, disconnecting from your body and feelings, believing something is wrong with you.
Attunement
Recognizing what you actually need, and trusting that your needs are worth meeting.
Difficulty knowing or asking for what you need, and tending to everyone else while neglecting yourself.
Trust
Self-trust, and the capacity to depend on others safely without losing yourself.
Feeling you can only rely on yourself, or needing to stay in control in relationships.
Autonomy
Expressing your boundaries, saying no without guilt, and moving toward what matters to you.
Saying yes when you mean no, people-pleasing, or expressing yourself indirectly to avoid conflict.
Love & Sexuality
Integrating an open heart with healthy, embodied intimacy.
Difficulty joining love and desire, protecting your heart, performing to get love.
NARM®, Shadow Work®, and Mindfulness
Prior to discovering NARM®, I was trained by Cliff Barry and Vicki Woodard as a Shadow Work® coach. I’ve also studied Mindfulness for many years, particularly the radical self-acceptance teachings of Tara Brach and mindfulness teachings of Pema Chödrön. I believe that NARM®, Shadow Work®, and Mindfulness are all very aligned.
-
1
They all focus on exploring what is happening inside us in the present moment rather than getting lost in stories from the past.
-
2
Each of these approaches sees value in turning our curiosity towards what we might otherwise push away, whether we call that our shadow parts (Shadow Work®), old survival strategies (NARM®), or parts of ourselves that we have difficulty tolerating in the moment (Mindfulness).
-
3
They are all non-pathologizing, bringing a compassionate view to the parts of ourselves that we struggle with the most. Even while bringing attention to the parts of ourselves that conflict most with our ideals for ourselves, there is a fundamental recognition of the inherent worth and basic goodness inside of us.
-
4
The focus is on integration and wholeness rather than fixing or removing. Through reclaiming and reintegrating parts of ourselves, we become more whole rather than having to get rid of parts of ourselves that are labeled as bad. Shadow Work® reintegrates disowned parts. NARM® frees up energy that has been bound up in old survival strategies. Radical acceptance softens the inner war between the part of us that suffers and the part that judges that suffering.
-
5
Awareness itself is an essential part of the healing process. Through presence, curiosity, and slowing down to notice what’s happening in the moment, we can connect with that core part of ourselves that never disappeared completely, our own inner wisdom and capacity to accept ourselves more fully just as we are.
A note on fit
If the experiences described throughout this page resonate with you, there’s a good chance we’d work well together. To be transparent, though, my approach isn’t the right match for everyone. It’s probably not a fit if you…
- Are looking for a structured, skills-first program with homework and worksheets
- Want fast symptom relief above all else
- Are in active crisis and need a higher level of care than weekly telehealth therapy can provide
If you’re not sure whether we’re a good match, that’s exactly what a free consultation is for, no pressure either way.