Archive for self acceptance

ReWilding Your Life One Choice at a Time

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller

There are these choice points in life when we are faced with the option to take what feels like the safer path, or to follow something risky that calls to us from deep inside our hearts. I faced such a choice a couple weeks ago when I decided to take a 3 day solo backpacking trip in the Trinity Alps Wilderness. I wavered back and forth for weeks about whether I could face the risks of loneliness or physical danger that such a trip entailed for me. With time it became clear that my heart’s longing was to go. While I still felt anxious as the departure date neared, it became more and more clear that my soul was asking this of me, calling on me to take the risk in service of my great love for the wilderness. In making this choice, I had to face old belief systems about how women shouldn’t be alone in the world, about how the world is unsafe, especially for women. I had to rewild my ideas of what it means to be a woman in the world who loves the wilderness. I had to move through these limiting beliefs into a more wild truth: that I choose to live my life as a daring adventure, that I am willing to expose myself, body and soul, in order to make the most of this precious existence.

What I found out there in the mountains was such a great validation of this choice. Life answered me with a giant YES! I didn’t feel a moment of fear or loneliness once my feet hit that trail. I felt such a profound sense of contentment and joy from deep within my heart. There was a tremendous freedom for me out there in the wild. I felt a sense of great belonging and wholeness. I was so aware of the exposure of my little body in contrast to the vast landscape, of my small life compared to the scope of the earth’s story. And this recognition felt good. I saw myself as a spring wildflower, here to offer some small gift to the landscape of my life, and then to be plucked or to wither when the time comes.

So I invite you to consider the choices facing you now, and the wildness within you that calls for exposure. What is untamed in you that longs to be set free? What in you refuses to be bound by convention, by social norms and pressures? What does your soul long for? And what is one choice you can make right now to rewild your small and precious life? Perhaps your feet long to touch bare earth. Perhaps you have a song to sing or a dance to dance. Somewhere inside you know what wants to be chosen, and you know how your heart will sing when you take the risk to live this daring adventure.

Consenting to Receive Ourselves Just as We Are

In her new book True Refuge, meditation teacher and psychotherapist Tara Brach talks about the practice of “consenting to receive” our experience just as it is. This consenting is really the true meaning of radical acceptance.

This morning as I sat in my morning meditation, I noticed a tension in myself of needing to push to market my upcoming talk on Radical Acceptance and the upcoming Creative Acts of Power workshop I am coleading.

In response to this contraction, I felt an inner prayer of offering myself and my gifts fully into the world and surrendering into however they want to be received. I also felt my willingness to consent to receive experiences that might feel like making mistakes or failing. Given how much I have historically worked hard to avoid such experiences, this felt like a revelation to me.

“I consent to receive making mistakes.” “I consent to receive feeling like a failure.” This consent felt like a great softening and the relief of that brought tears to my eyes.

There is so much talk about how to be happy, how to be awakened, how to “be love not fear.” I find for myself that so much of that creates an inner separation in which parts of my experience are good and desirable and others are bad and are to be avoided. That avoidance can then create self-judgment and the impulse to avoid my feelings. Instead, I am finding more and more freedom in the willingness to experience whatever is there. From this place I can bow to the contracted spaces inside myself. I can honor them and welcome them to be there because they are held within a beautiful spaciousness.

This is what my upcoming talk is about: Radical Acceptance Through Embracing Our Shadows. I would love to see you there and would also love if you could pass this email on to others in your life who might benefit from hearing about and experiencing these ideas. I only give these free talks a few times a year. I would like as may people as possible to be able to benefit from these ideas that have been so liberating for me!

This “consenting to receive” also shows up in our creative exploration. I believe every one of us has creative gifts that long to be expressed. It is a powerful thing to allow our creativity to move fully through us in its pure and raw form. My upcoming weekend retreat with artist Zoe Alowan (who also happens to be my beautiful mother) is a wonderful opportunity to feel the depth and power of our own self-expression. I hope you’ll check it out and also share it with others in your life who might benefit!

Lastly, I invite you to notice in the moments after reading this what aspects of your experience might be asking for acceptance. They are usually the feelings or sensations in our body that we are trying to avoid or escape from. When you notice them, I invite you to try this simple phrase “I consent to receive this …” I would love to hear how this simple practice impacts you!

Radical Acceptance Musings

Last month I had the joy of sitting with six people and facilitating a journey for them of Radical Self-Acceptance. One of the powerful exercises we did was the “turn-around” from author Byron Katie. Whether I am struggling with self-judgment or judgment of another, I find this exercise incredibly valuable!

I invite you to think of a judgment you have of yourself or another, and write it down. Let yourself be honest with the thoughts that are in your head. It might sound something like: “X shouldn’t be so angry.” or “I should have more control over my emotions.”

The turn-around exercise is to rewrite this sentence in as many ways as you can, simply by using the reverse of the words written. “You” can become “me.” “More” can become “less.” It may seem more like a grammatical exercise at first, but as you do it you may notice feelings of relief or revelation with some of the new sentences you come up with. These are cues that there is some useful direction with this new thought.

Using the example above, one of my favorites is: “I shouldn’t have more control over my emotions.” This invites a perspective of radical acceptance, of deep allowing for me to be just as I am. When I remove the sense of shame from how I see myself, much of the struggle can lessen.

You could try doing the exercise above in a journal or with a friend. I would love to hear how it goes for you! You can learn more about Byron Katie at www.thework.com.