Archive for happiness

Searching for Happiness: Lessons from Tara the Rescue Dog

I brought home a shelter dog, Tara, in early January. She has been blessing and challenging me in powerful ways since then. All of my core wounds are being brought to the surface in this relationship~ dynamics of responsibility and projection, patience and control, commitment and ambivalence. So much of what I’m learning with Tara seems reflective of the challenges at the center of any relationship- with ourselves, our loved ones, and even with life itself. The powerful lesson here that keeps grabbing my attention is about how the external circumstances of our lives can never guarantee happiness.

These last ten weeks with Tara have been a roller coaster ride with highs of total delight in her sweetness and lows of feeling I’ve made a terrible mistake. When I slow down I notice a kind of obsessive questioning about whether or not she is making me happy. I am reminded of all the times I have had similar thoughts about other life circumstances (relationships, jobs, places to live). It is a kind of “grass is greener” syndrome, an urgency to surround myself only with things that make me happy, and to avoid anything that makes me unhappy. Can you relate? Perhaps this shows up for you in dissatisfaction with yourself or your relationships. Maybe you find yourself daydreaming about a future reality when everything will be better.

Sometimes, especially when there is some form of abuse present, it is essential to find a way to make a change. What I’m talking about is the suffering that comes from endlessly seeking something “out there” to make us happy. Every situation, every relationship, every choice in life comes with a mixed bag of joys and challenges. I find it is so easy for me to forget this, though, because of how much I want to maintain the fantasy of how good I will feel once I get that “thing” I’m seeking. It can become a kind of addiction…thinking about how good we will feel, using that imagined feeling to distract from life-as-it-is. In all that wanting there is often a great deal of suffering, a rejection of ourselves and our lives as we are.

I had quite a fantasy about how my life would be with Tara. Now I see that that’s a lot of pressure to put on another being to fulfill! Ten weeks into our journey, I’ve realized I need to lay that fantasy to rest. If I keep looking to Tara to make me happy (and never make me unhappy) I’m setting myself up for one struggle after another. She’s just a dog. A high energy, super affectionate, and sometimes anxious and reactive dog.

So what am I doing with all of this? I’m giving Tara a break. I’m surrendering a bit more to the choice I’ve made and to the imperfect and blessedly complex journey that will follow. I’m working on letting her be a dog, and I’m discovering a way to be at ease in the process. My hope for us, especially those of us with the conditioning of western culture, is that we can find a new kind of happiness. This happiness is simpler and more humble. It doesn’t demand ecstasy and bliss. It allows life to be more messy. And it finds that just being is enough, just enjoying the simple pleasures of our lives. These days I am finding how really being present can turn the mundane into something quite rich and nourishing. When I meet this moment as it is, whether in a conversation with a stranger or friend, playing with my dog, writing these words, drinking a glass of water, then all the stories about happy and unhappy fall away and just this… is enough.

Your Creativity Is Your Birthright

“We are all creative. Creativity is the hallmark human capacity that has allowed us to survive thus far. Our brains are wired to be creative, and the only thing stopping you from expressing the creativity that is your birthright is your belief that there are creative people and uncreative people and that you fall in that second category.”
—Shelley Carson, Your Creative Brain

We are born with voices and bodies that want to express, to be heard and seen, and delighted in. As babies, we play with the range of sounds our mouths are capable of. We invent new combinations of vowels and consonants, creating a language all our own. We move our bodies in every way we can—wobbly at first and then more intentional as feet are investigated by mouths and every new texture is something to be smeared into glorious new forms of mess.

As children, we sing big and bold. We put on dance shows. We paint for the joy of color and the sensual wonder of creation. Then, sadly, somewhere along the way many of us get the message that we didn’t do it right. That we can’t sing or dance or make art because it doesn’t fit someone else’s standard of what those things mean. Our creative birthright gets squashed under someone else’s wounded projections. We learn to put our creativity, our freedom of expression into a room deep inside of us where it can’t get out because we can’t bear the hurt of another rejection. But the thing is our creativity is intricately tied to our soul, to the very essence of who we are. When we lock it away, we lose touch with something vital to the fullness of who we are.

I want you to know YOUR creativity, your self-expression is a gift. That it is uniquely yours and as such is a miraculous gift no one can bring into the world but you. I want to tell you that you have every right in the world to share your creativity in exactly the way it comes out of you. All the imperfections of it are part of what makes it beautiful. You have a right to have your creativity witnessed and received with unconditional love because creativity is not about the product—it is about the very act of creation itself.

How does your creativity want to be expressed in your life? In this day? In this moment? How do you long to express yourself?

If the idea of creativity seems too big, then I invite you to start small. Write a haiku. Do a 30-second dance with your pinky finger or your toes. Whistle a tune. Sing in the shower or car. Add a new spice to your cooking. Make a simple sculpture of rocks and sticks next time you are in nature. Draw a picture on the fogged up windows of your car. Doodle.

Whenever I think of small moments of creative expression I remember this wonderful scene from the movie Garden State. May it inspire your freedom to be your original self.

And if you feel drawn to explore your authentic creativity and heal blocks to your self-expression at our upcoming Creative Acts of Power retreat, we still have a few spaces available! Also, see Classes and Groups for information about my Self-Compassion Mindfulness Group and my Radical Acceptance of Our Emotions series!

With warm blessings for your creative discoveries,

Asha